Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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