Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
