I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I didn't notice because vodka
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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