I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
