Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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