Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
