Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
