as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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