She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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