You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
