Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
