I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
