I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
