I faked an abortion last night.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
