We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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