The maid of honor just puked.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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