Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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