I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
