would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
