She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
