How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
