You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
