i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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