I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
