I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
