I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Come on in and take your pants off
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