dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
