I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Drake has all the answers
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
