I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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