I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
