I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
