Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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