It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
