Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
