So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
