Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
