just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
