Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
that is very illegal...i love you.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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