I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
