apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
