So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
