That's intense
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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