Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
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