Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
my poor anus
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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