i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
