just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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