Do you still have your period?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
