better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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