when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
