Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Be still, my beating vagina.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
