you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
