sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
