I must be too annoying 4 u.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
